Harold & Kumar

so you know, while i was searching around the web for stuff awhile back, i came upon Harold & Kumar. i remembered that it was a show my coz told me bout, so i decided, hey wth, lets see what its all about. so i went to find it. so, there are two movies actually,

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

and

Harold & Kumar: Escape From Guantanamo Bay

interesting posters? not really. but damn are the movies funny. i'm not here to spoiler any plots, so this shall be a spoiler free review! so read on without fear!

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle. the first time i saw this i was like dude. whats a white castle? i knew it had weed in it... so i thought, is this just about two guys getting high and going on some road-trip to some non-existent place?

well, i was wrong. at least that about the non-existent part. White Castle is apparently a fast food joint. stars Harold (john cho, korean) and Kumar (kal penn, indian) have a sudden (and perhaps weed-induced) craving for burgers, and decide to have White Castle sliders. after the resolution that they will not give up until they have white castles in their stomachs, they're off on a wildly madcap and at times, ridiculous trip to get those White Castle burgers. there are issues explored in the film(i think), like racism, true love, police brutality, the unfair hierarchal working system we have to live with... but i'm just gonna call a spade a spade. it is a comedy. the issues addressed do add a layer of thought-provoking classiness to it, but lets be honest. no matter how much u try to decorate your bathroom, a toilet is a toilet. White Castle is an outright comedy that, while crude and blunt, is actually funny. perhaps its the hapless losers that are Harold and Kumar (which many of us can relate to). perhaps its the film's unreserved, and unabashed usage of comedic situations, without trying to be pretentiously classy. perhaps its Neil Fucking Patrick Harris. but damn this is a comedy.

face it guys. perhaps the first 2.. or 30 love-comedies are funny. but you're bound to get sick of the lame and cliche you-are-totally-not-the-type-of-girl-i'll-like-but-through-a-series-of-boring-ass-predictable-events-we-fall-in-love-happily-ever-after plot. the comedy? seriously? woops i just dropped my girlfriend on the floor/in the water/out a plane. woops i fell off my bike/horse/bed. woops i just splashed my mother-in-law in the face with lemonade/beer/some-unwashable-substance/pee(ok, i made this one up. but even then it would be boring.). my god, these movies make me want to punch kittens.

so when i finally managed to dig out this historic gem (released 9 may 2008 i think), and watch it, i thanked the gods themselves(oh and my coz). this is what comedy should be about. weed, bongs, physical violence and boobs. yes, there are boobs in this movie so u squeamish types, i'm sorry, please try somewhere else. i hear Cats & Dogs is out. or something.

the second movie is pretty much the same as the first, just larger scale. bigger settings(from texas to amsterdam), wider issues(terrorism, governmental corruption), and... well, more bong-smoking, tit-squeezing and laugh-inducing shit. seriously. i don't wanna spoiler it for any of you guys out there who will wanna go see these movies, but fuck, they meet the fucking Ku Klux Klan, and Neil Patrick Harris rides a Fucking unicorn. you just gotta check it out man.

movie reviewing's harder than i thought:/

I'm so pissed off i'm posting part two of Tchoukball

so i felt bad being so one-sided and biased. so i went to find out more about it. and came across this article. its an interview of a national tchoukball player. and i almost shat bricks.

here's an excerpt.

"E: Explain tchoukball in 10 words or less.
M: It is a sport which displays sportsmanship.

E: Explain tchoukball in 8 words (to your grandmother).
M: Tchoukball is played without body contact, don’t worry!!

E: Tell us what tchoukball is to you in 6 words.
M: It is a gift from God."

and

"E: Why tchoukball? What is it about tchoukball that attracts you?
M: I suppose it’s the game play and the amount of improvement we can gain from the better players. We can always keep improving and I get to build more friendship other than through school.

E: How are you different now because of tchoukball?
M: I am physically healthier and stronger due to the trainings. And emotionally happier. And spiritually comforted."

Tchoukball

teacher's day rehearsal!

was damn tiring. dunno why. maybe wearing jeans for 5 hours in hall like an oven? playing through a 3 song playlist under (weird coloured) spotlights twice? or maybe the PE today morning, where we lost at tchoukball?

tchoukball. lemme give a short explanation of what it is for those of u who aren't sure what it is:

think captain's ball. now, replace each catcher, or "captain" with a trampoline at 45 degrees aimed the sky. each team only has three passes to score. the opponent team cannot intercept, or interrupt ur pass to ur teammate. to score, you have to throw the ball at the trampoline, and make sure no one on the opponent team catches it. oh, and ur can score either side's trampoline. also, the moment you drop the ball possession changes to the opponent. and if u miss your shot at the trampoline, point goes to the opponent. say what?

hey, i'm sure the game has its fans, and its supporters. i'm cool with that. not everyone likes basketball. so just a fair warning: this will be a biased and one-sided rant AGAINST tchoukball.

with that out of the way...

WHAT THE TCHOUK?

seriously. after my first time playing the game, it reminded me of chess. u have to plan ur player placement properly so as to use the three passes to get close enough to the goal. then you can't move with the ball(at least our teacher didn't allow us to), and you can't intercept if u see that some opponent near you is going to get the ball. also, dropping the ball causes possession to change. do you know how restricting these rules are?! you got ur ball, and ur like, two steps too far from the goal to make a confident shot... and its an impassable distance. but if u shoot, and miss, the opponent gains a point. wha-? and you can't intercept passes... seriously? i can only stand there helplessly as the opponent gets the ball? wow. and dropping the ball changes the ball? have you seen the size of that thing? its like using chopsticks to pick up a pea. frustrating and potentially stroke-inducing.

to be honest, this game is as far from a team sport as i know. to my primitive and stereotypical mind, a team sport is an activity(see, activity. u actually are ACTIVE) which involves skill, reflexes, physical ability, cooperation, and flow. flow... means the pacing, the speed of the games. look at soccer. basketball. hockey. these team games all have one thing in common; they're competitive and fast-paced. thats what team sports are about! working together effectively and efficiently in the heat of the moment.

tchoukball... has no flow. i mean, maybe, if u do find some reason to embrace and love this game(sorry eve), maybe u can be familiar enough to play a smooth flowing game. but to be honest, at our level, having never played tchoukball before, its an unnecessarily complicated and slow paced game. u need to calm down and find where your players are, and as long as they're in a good position, u can just pass. there's no faking out, there's no distracting, there's no reflex for intercepting. no matter how bad or obvious the pass, u can only watch helplessly as it lands into the guy next to you's arms.

and the scoring system. seriously? you give the other team a point if we miss? how nonsensical and unfair. it doesn't encourage enthusiasm, it encourages the developing of a tactical sniper's aim. to get the correct angle to shoot the ball so the rebound will be uncatchable. one word... no, TWO words. fucking dumb.

hey, you can say its a non-contact game, its a tactical game, its a slow-paced game, its a thinking game.... if i want all that i'll be grabbing ivory-carved, horse-shaped chess pieces, not a ball. to put it nicely, its a game that discourages newcomers with its excessive and superfluous rules. it requires higher-level thinking and tactical deployment that are rarely seen in other sports. to put it frankly, its a game that tries too hard to stand out by doing the opposite of everything popular sports are. there's reason why there's isn't an MP3 that DOESN'T play songs smoothly, or a car that CANNOT move. if basketball, rugby, american football, are all such popular games, why purposely try to be everything they're not? i can just imagine the guy who invented this game.

Tchoukball Inventor: 'i need to stand out! i shall invent a brand new game thats completely unique and different from all things fun! i shall make it slow and podding and have the rules bog down the flow of the game as much as possible!'

Random Passerby: 'dude, someone already invented that. its called chess. and even chess has a timer to make it go faster.'

Tchoukball Inventor: 'damnit! fine, then i shall add in... a ball! thats different from chess! and... i shall add in trampolines! everyone love's trampolines! and i shall make it a team sport so i can play it together with my friends! mmm... just need to find some friends...'

and, whats up with the name tchoukball? tchouk? what the hell is that? sounds like some sad, faraway alien race who haven't evolved enough to come up with a decent name for themselves. or is that the sound made when u score? wait, that's basketball.

so what i mean is, i don't get this game at all. AT ALL. all games have a primal, simple goal that draws people to them. basketball, soccer, hockey... to get the ball into the net. rugby, american football, baseball... to get the ball to a certain area. even solo sports, golf, archery... to get the ball or arrow to a hole or a bullseye. its a very basic and simple attraction. tchoukball... bounce the ball off a trampoline and hope to God no one catches it.

and why the fucking trampoline?! seriously?!

in a nutshell, WHAT THE TCHOUK?

P.S. lol, i ended up not talking bout teacher's day rehearsal at all. nvm, i'll blog it after the performance itself.

twisted... pretzels!!

an empty bed, an empty chair.

an empty house, an empty life.

an empty heart, an empty love.

an empty promise, an empty hope.

in my eyes, only you.

brown eyes, like mine.

loved ice cream, like me.

watched stars in the sky, with me.

alone without family, like me.

in a world of lies, what is real?

a kiss a touch

a caring smile

in bed at night, caressing, loving.

not a word, not a sound, you left.

you left.

outside his house

silent, unmoving, watching

watching. a light on

in the bedroom

shadows moving, caressing, loving.

who are you?

who are you?

anger burns, pain chills.

the door comes down

i rush up

the stairs and stop it.

since we were young

in love, in love.

blade of betrayal, i return it.

stabbing, twisting but things

will never be the same.

broken love, broken mirror

always cracks, always cracks.

why, sister dearest?

why?

emo nemo zero hero!

~

ivory dress pooled around her knees.

her face of anguish; of unchained fear.
clasping his hand, she cries "don't go"

but he turns away; she will never be whole.

suitcase packed, memories of the years

are all thats left. a home of tears.

little Jane in the doorway, blanket in her hand.

where, she whispers, where is daddy going?

once was love, support, care

now a lonely bed, a pillow, a chair.

a courtship of passion, of desire sang

in the end, nothing but embers twisting, dying.

pills and knives and skyscrapers tall,

took on new meaning as her despair deepened.

mummy mummy, i want a story.

was all that kept her sane, that kept her going.

and then, a sliver of hope, a hand so firm.

another, perhaps, but never him.

let me in, he whispers, open your heart.

but it won't be easy, hidden in the dark.

slowly trusting, her hand reaches out

a part in tears, the other in bliss.

he will hurt you again, the past cries.

let him, for i am stronger; i will not hide.

~

random poem... this is fun:)

vi...wait for it... waaait for it... deo! mmm that didn't work very well.

beautiful song. beautiful perfomance.

beautiful love.

--5 dollars--

t'was not complicated,

nor overly long

but a simple tale
of a boy and a gal.

it was on a beach i chanced

upon such beauty

peerless and absolute

as you shall soon see.

she had eyes of sapphire

lips crimson like fire.

her skin was porcelain,

her bearing, of a saint.

with a smile so beautiful

she beckoned me over

and whispered softly,

'have you got 5 dollars?'

puzzled i grinned,

and pulled out five coins

our hands touched as i passed it over

and i felt a stir in my groin.

'so what are u gonna spend

that 5 dollars on?'

'oh nothing much...

just some flavored condoms.'

eyes starting to widen

as i let out a squeak.

am i hallucinating

or is she coming onto me?!

my palms got sweaty

as i looked nervously away

'oh, whatever for,

if ask i may.'

'well, what do you think'

she whispered seductively.

oh my god!

her voice is so sexy!

'um,' i stammered

excited and eager

'i think its for sex...'

and i started to tear.

because you see

i'm so old i'm embarrassed

forty years old

forty one this august.

since i was a kid

everyone called me a nerd.

with my socks pulled high

i guess i am, in every sense of the word.

thus its no surprise

when i say i'm a virgin.

when u're at my age

i think that's a sin.

so i wiped away my tears of joy

and grabbed her by the hand.

'come my sweet maiden,

let's make love in the sand!'

as i gazed into her eyes

i was so happy i could sing!

i'm going to lose my virginity,

to this alarm clock's ring.

oh. damn it.

--5 dollars--