sick.

i got to thinking. different unis offer different courses and i think, that's cool. i wish i could get the course i want. then i can specialize in the subject i want and then!!... get a job completely unrelated to my cert. isn't that a bummer? i mean, haven't u seen or heard of stories where someone gets like, a business degree, but becomes an insurance agent? not completely unrelated but still. so it is entirely possible to work towards and finally get our hands on that coveted degree, yet end up in a shit of a job. i was about to lament about the unfairness of this, but i realized, isn't that what life is like in itself? i sure wasn't planning on mugging(trying) my brains out in a mugger school 2 years back. in fact, according to my Great Pre-Uni Plan, i should be refining my electric bass playing skills while juggling playing in a basketball team around this team. my noob-ness in afore mentioned fields aside, where i am now is pretty much as far as i could get from my envisioned life. perhaps not as slack as mine, but haven't u found that many times u have strayed from ur expected or planned path? an aspiring JC student who hopes for a straight track to uni and a doctorate may find themselves on a small detour to a Polytechnic. promising singers may find themselves trapped between a tall stack of economics notes and a pile of history books, their voice used no more than to inquire about the elasticity of demand or the reasons for the rise of religious fundamentalist groups. so what do we do now?

usually here will be where i impart my views on how one should follow their dreams and never give up, but perhaps that is too impractical. indeed, what can we do in this cold hard world where we sell our dreams for money? sometimes very little money even. (no matter what a certain teacher says i'm convinced she actually draws like, a 6 figure salary and has enough money in her bank to buy a bungalow, just for fun. D: ) i dunno, to be honest. even now i'm trying to find my way through this world thats so practical and hardworking. i've lived most of my life without any planning as to my education, or goals as to my grades. i just drifted through life, clutching the pathetic dream of becoming a writer. but now reality has ripped that dream outta my hands and shoved unis, courses, degrees, majors, overseas programs, insurance agents, horiculture(wtf?), teachers all in my face, and i feel overwhelmed.

i'd be glad if anyone at all reads this, so i'm not expecting anyone to take anything away from these rants, but i must say this time i dun have anything learnt. today was so educational, yet i learnt nothing, so informative, but i only got more confused.

and we had a farewell dinner with ms lee. :( she's the anti-thesis of what i am, hardworking, strict, organized... but i'll miss her. we all will. for all the merciless beatings we took at pw, the harsh ass-kicking during econs, the hardcore scoldings during lectures, only served to enrich our experience at AJC. you will forever be within our hearts as a great teacher ms lee. failing that, some young lady who shouted alot. i salute u.

P.S. ms lee, please forgive me for using this picture if u ever read my blog, but i had to. really. i'm sorry.

Numba two

ok.today i've got a quote from my favorite tv series, "how i met your mother." great show, check it out:)

"Okay, yes, it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake, but you don't really know it's a mistake, because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back and say, "Yep, that was a mistake." So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'd go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And, damn it, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this, my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?"


probably not. so i'll give you a minute to go back and read it all again:)











cool? basically its saying how, life isn't about doing everything perfectly, but experiencing everything at least once. according to a survey i found online, regret is the worst feeling in the world, on par with being cheated on, and slightly behind the death of family or self(though technically that wouldn't be a feeling cos you'd be dead but anyway). so honestly, would u want yourself to be cheated on? i believe not. so why do so many people risk regretting the experiences they never had, preferring to take the safe, sensible route?

simple. the answer is fear.

seriously. look at it, our society, our family, ourselves.... its all ruled by fear. we gotta score well, if not we won't have a good life! we gotta be popular so we can fit in and not be left out! we gotta study and put my own interests first, if not i will suffer and that guy will be better than me! we gotta do homework so our teacher won't scold us! look deep down, aren't you the same? humans, since time immemorial(god i've always wanted to say that), have been ruled by fear. fear of god, fear of being ostracized, fear of death and fear of loneliness have been a few of the primary fears that all people share. and most people would say, hey, whats wrong to fear? its not cowardly, its whats best for us. perhaps, but what if we can overcome these fears?what if, after discovering our greatest fear, we don't take steps to avoid it, but face it head on?


how many of you are afraid of spiders? come on hands up. in fact, i'll man up. i am completely... not terrified of spiders. heh. you wussies. ok, but seriously, if you're afraid of spiders, would u ever dare to... hold one in your hand? or visit the spider enclosures at... is there anywhere they keep spiders? mmm.

or heights. i'm afraid of heights, and honestly the idea of taking just the singapore flyer freaks me out. but given the chance, i would go for it. really. at the risk of sounding like this weird, shameless douche, when u actually face down your fears and just like flip it a strong and firm metaphorical middle finger, do you really, really feel in control of your life. for me, this moment was... ok this does sound quite idiotic typed out, but this moment was when i leaned on the railings on the top floor Plaza Singapura and looked down to the crowds below. not exactly an awe-inspiring and motivational example, but yeah. i remember when i was young, i went to PS alot. but whenever i rode the escalator i always didn't dare to look down cos its just so damn high. like you're about to fall off. so that day, when i gathered up my nuts and looked over that railing, i felt really in control. like, i could do anything. i could go on a roller coaster ride. i could complete that stupid high elements resilience course in J1. i could take the goddamn singapore flyer.

and perhaps u have felt such a thrill before. the adrenaline shoots up to your head, and u feel pretty damn good about yourself. in fact, it doesn't even have to come from facing your fears.for instance, completing an 8 km run(for average people like me:/ ), going up on stage and dancing/singing/performing/emceeing, scoring a whole bunch of goals in soccer.. and so on. all of these can be put under one big group, and this brings us full circle back to what i was talking about.

experiences.

not just any experience, one that u usually would not have done, or were to afraid to have done, or did not think you could have done. its when u really remove all your inhibitions and go for it, will you truly live life. and it is also at this point of time can u really have no regrets about life. comfort and security and safety all feels good and all, but do you really wanna spend your entire life eating apples only, when out there, within your reach, is a delicious triple-tier tiramisu black forrest and cheese cake flavoured ice cream, swimming in chocolate-strawberry-and-caramel syrup, topped off with an aromatic and crunchy selection of cashew, almond, and roasted nuts... and at the very top a beautifully shining crimson cherry?

apple, or triple-tier ice cream?

i know what i'll pick :)

Fresh Start. (As opposed to a stale start. does that mean u have to start again? cos stale stuff is bad right? but whats a "fresh" start? I mean...)

ok. so i made another blog.

i guess some would think i'm crazy, so near A's, still make what stupid blog?

some would think, oh well, he also don't study one.


well.. i do, contrary to popular believe, feel stress. i get all pissy and pouty when i'm overstressed so i have to destress too. after realising that crying my heart out every night into my pillow wasn't healthy(i'm kidding! lol dun believe that its a joke. lol.) ... (lol), i decided to make a blog. well my previous blog was a flop, so i decided that, heck it let's make a new one! so i got this pretty background and sat down at my com (after finishing my history SBQ... heh) and i realised... i dun have anything to write.


so i decided to talk about what bugs me the most. school.


honestly, school life for me is a flop. my friends are great, but the non-stop lessons and effort all seem so endless at times. its for the A's, i know. its one of the most important 3 months of your life, i know. and in my defense, i am trying to gear up... but god its hard. i'm a slacker, i know. but i wasn't always this way. (cue sad music)



pri school i was this hardworking little shit. i rushed home everyday from p1 to 3 and did my school work. i had almost no friends. i had no cca. i had no regular places to hang out. my life consisted of school, school bus, and the packet of lemon barley i drank every recess. i mugged my ass off without knowing why. p4 to p6 even worse, i had to go to this daycare. god, everyday after school, i'd rush to the school bus which took me to the daycare and i'd do all the regular stuff that daycares do.


-reach daycare
-eat lunch(vegetarian. i shit you not.)
-do work
-daily enrichment class
-meditation(this was actually a class. we'd all sit on mats and do the lotus leg thing that hurts your chances of tarting a family. then we'd just sit in the dark while the setting sun streamed in through the windows, thinking happy thoughts. i shit you not.)
-afternoon nap(of course, you'd get tired after all that zen stuff.)
-board games/outdoor sports(where'd you think i learned how to kick ass at chinese chess! well, sort of.)
-go home


as you can see, not exactly a day in the life of james bond. no excitement. zilch. unless u count the suspense, of whether the teacher caught u sleeping during meditation or not.





so you see, i think i cracked at secondary school. after a life of fun-celibacy, i decided to live it up. no homework for this dude!


and well, i'm fucked. yeah. A levels coming yet here i am. wholly unprepared. but hey, life's like that. maybe people may look down on me, or think that its better not to associate with such a slacker. hey its cool. my life's like that. right now, i'm doing my best to catch up, but i'm like a car that hasn't been driven in years. shoulda started studying earlier. lol.









yeah well, one last thing before i go. you know that ladder we're all climbing up? the study ladder, the career ladder, the i-wanna-get-rich-anyway-i-can ladder, the there's-a-hot-girl-above-me-so-i'm-just-gonna-keep-my-head-up-and-my-eyes-open ladder... i've climbed quite a few ladders in my life. and i've fallen down so many of them its hard to keep climbing. i've felt alot of times that i wanna give up, just jump off. and many times i have. but one thing i see a lot is, many aren't climbing the ladder because they want whats up there. many climb it cause others are. admit it. there are times in which we study and mug, for the sole goal of beating that one guy who always scores so damn well. and hey, maybe it works for you. but i just wanna say, (and this does sound a little weird coming from me) that, dun lose sight of what you're climbing for just cos of the ass right above you. if whats at the top of that ladder isn't really what you want out of life, stop wasting your time. stop chasing asses, stop following the crowd, stop trying to fit in.


do what you think is right, do what you know is right, do what you feel is right.


that A level cert means alot to many people. you can't get anywhere without it, sure. but after you do get it, are you sure you'll still remember what it is that you got the cert for? how many childhood dreams have you forsaken to get this cert? to be an artist. to be an actor. to be an astronaut. to be a writer. they say the A level cert and the uni degree are all just steps you have to take before pursuing your dreams. fine, keep it that way. i dunno bout you, but i haven't even taken the exam and i've forgotten i wanted to be a writer.


i know all this is corny, but yeah. always keep that dream in sight, never let go of it.




well, thanks for reading! i know most people are busy studying now, but i hope its not too much to take time out to read this blog:) lol.


next time.