school culture and why it rhymes with painful torture..

this is a post which, in a sense, i set up this blog to post. i've wanted to post this rant for so long, i actually feel relief typing this. but somehow my hands are shaking. maybe its me exaggerating, maybe its not that serious, but hell, this is my post.

this is a post, which will be about how i shit i feel this whole school system to be. specifically, AJC.

this is probably not a topic new to anyone; it certainly isn't new to me. i've talked to many people, heard many opinions, saw it from many angles, but it still bugs me nonetheless.

ok the way i see it, right now, we're still in our youths. so why isn't anyone acting that way? we're 17, 18, u can call that mature, call that sensible, but fuck it, we're still young. why isn't anyone willing to have let loose and have fun? to take from those i've discussed this with, there are a shit load of reasons.

1)A levels
2)Family pressure

3)Competition

4)Teacher's expectations
5)Self expectations

but for me, the way i see it, its more of a percentage. because there's no single reason, its a culmination of a lot of reasons that make u the mugger that u've become. so for instance:

family pressure:40%
competition:20%
teacher's expectations:10%
self expectations:20%
aspirations:10%
=
100% mugger

and it varies from person to person. i've tried analyzing people (yes i am that bored) and i almost went mad. well, maybe u dunno this about me, but i'm someone who likes to categorize. i am, in a sense, a neat freak. but its very subliminal. anyway, i like to categorize. but i find that its impossible to categorize these reasons into a basket, "cos its all interlinked", to quote history teacher and schizophrenic mother figure to us, Ms Carolyn Ng. for instance, self expectations may have arose from family pressure, and ur aspirations may have arose from ur self expectations. so i gave up on that thread, and tried to find a common reason, a similarity that everyone shared. and, while its far from being reliable enough to submit for PW marking, i believe that the one reason, the one basic factor that has wrought this festering hive of muggerism and crazy drive for personal excellence... is in a sense, the desire to fit in.

to understand why i came to this conclusion, i have to explain my stand on the nature VS nurture debate. (ok i'm assuming, that since u've read up till here, u're actually interested in what i think. if u don't, and feel that, "man, this guy is just so childish. he should be spending this time studying for his A's instead of writing this bullshit" then i am not obliged to make this post appealing to you. go suck on a physics textbook or something.)

nature VS nurture. its a long-drawn debate since time immemorial (lol) about which impacts an individual's personality and actions more, the character he was born with(hence nature), or the society he lives in(hence nurture). i am a strong believer that nurture is the ultimate factor. while i agree that everyone is unique, there are traits which people brought up in the same environment or way share. for instance, students who studied in cat high tend to be looser with their grammar, actions, and in certain cases, their morals. students who studied in RI tend to be pompous stuck up douchebags. but of course, i stereotype.

which brings me back to my original point. people are like this, because of the desire to fit in. i went through many theories before i reached this one, and i may yet got through more. but at this point of time, this theory seems the most logical, and frankly, frustrating one.

AJC is a mugger school.

while some may contest this, and say that, no! ajc can be a fun school! it just depends on how u look at it, and how u choose to play ur part to make it into an interesting and involving place. but of course, these people come from council and no one really cares about what they think. (i know i'm stereotyping. there are some great people in council, and if this offends you i'm sorry! :X ) i dunno how, maybe its the drab buildings (while most have just attributed this to poor budget, i believe the buildings are kept intentionally boring and soul-sucking to prevent us from being optimistic, fun loving individuals), maybe its the way the subjects are taught, maybe its the practically complete lack of any activities mildly fun and exciting (initiation: play a game in the field where everyone has water pistols and you're supposed to wet the other team's newspaper flag to win! oh, and you cannot run, but can only walk at a sedately brisk pace! well, fuck you at a sedately brisk pace!). i dunno how, but AJC just is a boring and drab school. which is why its students become boring and drab. trust me, i had a glass is half full attitude when i first came here. i believed that i could have a fun experience, while balancing studies. and i believed this would be the case for everyone in the class.

initiation was not bad. everyone in the class seemed cheerful and nice, no one i desired to kick the living shit out of. (ahem) and the cycling trip we once had was great, and i really believed that i would experience the dream jc life i had. but after initiation, when the first hints of work coming in... class dates were turned down, lunch invites were turned down... and everyone seemed to withdraw into themselves and interaction seemed harder and harder.

the thing is, i wasn't that kinda person. i'm naturally not a hardworking person... so seeing the people around me becoming like this, i panicked and tried to see why. and almost 2 years later, now, i still don't know. but one of the reasons could possibly the desire to fit in.

the desire to fit in is a powerful desire, and is a basic desire for almost all people. humans can be arguably said to naturally and instinctively form societies. our selfish and basic instinct to use violence to support our selfishness may pose a problem at times, but the world we live in now is evidence of this innate nature to form society. of course, it then goes without saying that humans may choose to change themselves simply to fit in to a societal structure. i'm sure u've all seen examples of this on cliche channel 8 depictions of school life on Sunday mornings. good-natured, bullied kid turns bad to fit in, feels guilty after hurting others and changes back, hence learning an important life lesson etc etc. but thats not the only case in which people conform to society. negro slaves way back when conformed to societal norms so as to fit into american society. workers giving up on morals so as to fit in and not stick out enough to get fired. and personally, i feel that this kinda conformity is what has happened in AJC.

so, i shall now reconcile the points i've been talking about:

1)AJC being a drab and boring place, which thus breeds muggers.
2)Students desire to fit in causing them to become muggers.

i believe that AJC's environment encourages muggers to rise up the social ladder and gain recognition, and those devil-may-care, thrill-loving people slowly fall into the line on the ladder so as not to stick out.

digest that for a moment. if you're from AJC, think about it. do you see this happening? take people popular in ur class, or ur clique, and place them into ur secondary school setting. will they be as popular? will they have as much influence? if you're not from AJC, congratulations:)

i shall reiterate: this is by no means absolute and true. this is just one of the thoughts that i have about the school i currently find myself in. having said that, hold ur outbursts of i'm-not-someone-who-conforms-to-society-i-mug-for-my-own-future, and listen. u have the right to come and kick my ass afterward, but for now, gimme the benefit of doubt.

of course, as with everything else on earth, there are exceptions. there are people who have mugged all along, and people who truly changed because they really want to do well for their own future. but for those who have conformed to the mugger-atmosphere they are in, is that really what you want out of life?

look, perhaps i'm not the most reliable person to hear this from, but i understand how the A levels are important. i understand how important going to a good university is. to be honest, i'm afraid that i can't get into a good uni and i'll be fucked. but step back and look at it from other angles.

1)the A levels are no more important than the O levels. alot of people who scored jackshit for their O levels still went on to do well. the only reason u're placing more emphasis on the A levels is cos everyone says its more important. cos everyone else is rushing to score well for it. cos everyone says its time to be mature and work for ur success. for me, the O levels were important, but not the most important thing in my life. and i choose to see the A levels in the same light, as much as i can. if ur sights have always been set on something beyond the O levels, if ur priorities have never been on studies, but on something which made u feel more fulfilled, i hope that u not lose sight of that, or give up on that sense of fulfillment just because everyone else is doing something else.

2)balance. i see alot of people who can balance work and play. people who can study enough to do decent for exams, and still go out with their friends and have fun. u dun have to spend ur days glued to books, measuring time not in hours and minutes, but chapters and pages of notes. will taking off a couple of hours to spend with ur friends be that damaging to ur academic pursuits? i've heard people complain about how they wasted an hour eating lunch when they could have been revising, or how they wasted an hour sleeping or talking to someone when they could have done so much work. seriously, take it easy. don't give urself so much pressure that u deny urself life. as a saying goes, 'we often spend so much time preparing for life, that we have no time to live it.' so give urself time to live in the moment, and not beat urself up cos of a little less time to reconcile ur love affair with linear equations.

3)life is short! we're young, and we only live once. a commonly used defense when asked why they're studying so hard, is that they can enjoy life after they've earned themselves a stable job. ok... so ask urself, after u've gotten that degree, that masters, that honours, and u've gotten urself that high-paying managerial job at that firm... can u really enjoy life then? have u ever heard stories from ur parents about how fulfilling and enjoyable their high-paying desk job is? has any lawyer or doctor managed to say that, 'thank god i gave up my youth to work so hard for this job! i can finally enjoy myself!'? i doubt so. because studying is not a means to an end. studying does not ensure u a fun and exciting future life. its simply a process in this society we live in, that forces us to work in order to survive. its up to u to enjoy the life u've been given, up to u to experience what truly makes life worth living, what truly makes life life. i'm gonna reuse the quote from earlier, just cos its so cool: 'we often spend so much time preparing for life, that we have no time to live it.'

ok, by here, u've probably got some ideas about where i should stuff all these immature and irresponsible opinions in/up/at... and u're free to elaborate. because i know that everyone has their own opinion of where they are, what they're doing, and where they're going. perhaps u can say i have no right to pass judgement on them. and perhaps u can say that i'm just being a lazy, immature and irresponsible brat.

and i'd agree with you.

i have no right to pass judgement on anyone's life, and if thats the impression u've gotten from this post, i'm sorry. but this is simply the way i fear the people around me have become, and this blog post is my way of hoping to perhaps remind some of who they are. i have feel myself conforming through the years. i've done more work in this 1 and a half years than i have in my whole 4 years in cat high, and frankly it scares the fuck out of me. i'm scared i'll lose sight of who i was. if i can become a mugger, whats stopping me from becoming some guy who like the jonas brothers and justin beiber? whats stopping me from getting all douchy and pompous and looking down on people who dress less than fashionably? (probably my own lack of fashion sense.) i used to wanna form a band and make that the main focus of my life, performing at pubs and maybe concerts, and just having fun. but the more time i spend here, the more i'm losing sight of that. because it just doesn't seem practical. is this because i'm conforming to the ideal of finding a stable job is more important, or because i'm growing up? i dunno, and thats whats so fucking terrifying.

and yeah, i'm probably just being a lazy, immature and irresponsible brat. and maybe i'm just being a short-sighted, devil-may-care dreamer. and that is the beauty of it. i can be who i want, who i am. i dun want to conform to the society around me. i want to be me, the person that i am not matter if its popular, or hated. but its getting harder and harder. awhile back, i found that i dun have a single friend reminding me of who i am. everyone is so caught up in their studying for A levels, that i couldn't find anyone to dream about a fantastical life after A levels with. i couldn't find anyone who i can just talk shit with, about how cool it would be to be in a band, or to have an all night long LAN session. so i guess thats what this post is about. to remind people to think back, to remind them of who they were, and what their dreams used to be. because so many people have forgotten about that.

ultimately, i find it sad. because... i've lost quite a few friends to this A level pressure and mugger culture. people who i've once been able to talk to, and rely on have turned their focus to the pursuit of academic excellence. and it bums the shit out of me cos, i can't grab them and shake them and try to beat some sense into them; cos they're not doing something wrong and stupid. its for their own good, and i've no right to interfere with that. fuck.

back to my first few words... i wanted to blog about this issue so much but haven't because i was afraid people would think i was immature and irresponsible. so i told myself i could wait, that i'd should see all this issue from as many angles as possible first. and this 'wait' dragged and dragged. and i realized that while true and sensible, waiting to see this issue from all angles had turned into a convenient excuse cos i was afraid of what others would think. well, fuck it. i've said all i had to. as much as i hope i've not offended anyone with this, its also my opinion on this and i'll stand by it. (at least until i find a more reasonable and logical explanation.)

yeah i'm a dreamer :)

on a completely unrelated note, teacher's day rocked! XD but its too late to write more... i'll post about it next time:)

EDIT: holy shit. i just saw this post on my blog and its damn freaking long. o.O if u got through the whole thing u deserve a medal. lol. failing that, a muffin!:)