fuck

I'm sick and tired of those people who are so stuck up and just boring. I read on STOMP about poly student's attire:

"It's a serious place where we come to receive education. We should be respectful in our attitudes and even our dressing."

Why should students have to restrict themselves even in their dress codes to receive education? So people who dun wear "proper" attire don't deserve education? And how is dressing casually a form of disrespect? Its all just outdated and inapplicable ideals.

Respect comes in many forms; a student who respects his teacher does not have to add the prefix "Mr." or "Ms." to convey that respect, a student who respects the education system shouldn't have to conform to such obsolete and pointless rules, especially in Singapore, where our warm climate does warrant and justify shorts or sleeveless tops.

Get your head out of your ass.






And this is even more wtf.

"The polytechnic's dress code prescribes that students be 'decently attired in a manner that conforms to social and moral norms'. This means no outrageous hair colours, no sleeveless tops and shorts (except at sports activities) and no slippers."

Social norms right now = shorts/bermudas, sleeveless tank/t-shirt.

And moral norms? Seriously? Morals have changed and adapted over the years. From women who wore more than 3~4 layers of clothing in order to seem morally upright to beaches where people can spend the day having fun in a pair of trunks or bikini(s)? I believe moral values are an ever-changing part of life, not any less fluid than say our education system or political structure. Trying desperately to hold on to antiquated moral values is a noble but ultimately pathetic attempt to try and prevent societal evolutions.

Some may say that its because of our increasing liberalization that society is rotting; clothing have become increasingly provocative, lack of responsibility leading to various incidents and disasters, people having casual sex without reservations... and the proposed elixir to societal illness is to embrace conservative and backward ideals? That's like saying because of increasing pollution by technology we should return to using sun dials and horse-drawn carriages.

Conservatives are merely afraid to embrace cultural evolution and the possible lifestyle changes that comes with. Sure, with modernization brings about radical and at times unpleasant changes which may be considered harmful compared to the safe stable lifestyle conservativeness brings. But consider this:

Its inevitable. Thats a fact. Cry for floor sweeping skirts and long sleeved shirts all you want. But evolution and change is inevitable. I can get all philosophical and give all the examples, but you know what i mean.

Thus, to counter the problems of society, shouldn't people be targeting the problems of society today, looking for modern and advanced ways we can improve upon the apathy and irresponsibility people have developed. Not trying to reverse things.




haiz.

know the song dynamite by taio cruz?








people have taken to posting their versions of taio cruz catchy line:

"i throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying AYOOOOO, gotta let GOOOO"

and some of them are so damn hilarious, so i've compiled a top ten list! come on! admit it! we all love top ten lists!





Number 10: I throw my school work in the air sometimes saying ayoooo i'll take a zero!

Number 9: I throw my skittles in the air some time and say AAyyyyyyyyyyyo

Taste the  Rainnboow!

Number 8: I throw my Spanish work in the air sometimes sayin' aaaaayyyyyyooooo, NO COMPRENDOOOOO!

Number 7: I Put My Umbrella In Her Ass Sometimes, Sayin' AaayooO, But She Want's A Dildoooo!

Number 6: I throw my shirt in the air sometimes, sayin' AYOOOO, are you gay YOOOO?!

Number 5:i throw my Boxers in the air sometimes sayin' aaayyyyyoooooooooooooo, I'LL GO COMMANDO!

Number 4: I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes , saying AYOOO i forgot the MAYOOOO!

Number 3: I kick Justin Bieber in the balls some times, sayin' AYOOOO, Your a GAYBO!

Number 2: i throw my mom up in the air sometimes sayin ayooo try to fly yo!

Number 1: I throw young children in my van sometimes, sayin' AYOOOOOO, I'm a PEDOOOOOO!

:D

10 year old Ben is walking with the girl he likes, 10 year old Cassie, in the park after school. band practice ended late so its already night. he's walking her home.

"Hey."

"Yeah cassie?"

"I was just thinking..."

"Mmhmm?"

"You're cute."

"What! I'm not a girl! Gross!"

*Cassie becomes silent and Ben realizes he said something wrong, but he doesn't know what.*

"Hey Cassie! Look what i found!"

*Ben holds up a flower that had fallen from the tree above*

"It's beautiful!"

"If you like it you can have it."

Ben holds out the flower sheepishly.

"Thank you, Ben."

Cassie smiles and seems a bit happier. The two continue to walk along the path.

"Actually, i think you're cute too. in a girly way."

"Yes Ben, i know"

Cassie giggles as Ben blushes and pouts. But he is glad he is seeing her tomorrow in school. They both are.

childhood romances.

Tchoukball, a new respect.

ok, i was reading through old posts, and i came across this comment on my "i'm so pissed off i'm posting part 2 of tchoukball". you can go check it out.

well, i'm a guy who many have called stubborn... but i am not unreasonable(i hope). and i know when to admit i'm wrong. and well... i guess i kinda am about tchoukball.

if u've seen the comment, you'll know its from a world silver-medaled player. so my first reaction was, riiiight. this guy plays tchoukball, he can't have a non-biased insight towards the sport. i mean, come on, math professors who do complicated mathematical calculations everyday finds math fun. and we all know it isn't. so i was poised to just ignore it. but... well he sounded like a nice guy/girl so i was like, whats the harm. and i checked out the link.

i know, you guys are all busy people with homework and revision and generally mind-numbing things to do, so i embedded the video itself here.

watch it. you'll be surprised. i was.

our PE sessions with tchoukball made it feel like a pathetic attempt at creating a brand new fun sport where people dun touch each other so no one gets hurt. like captain's ball, except tchoukball isn't fun. its like watching paint dry. with a ball. and trampoline.

but in this video... it feels like basketball mixed with breakdancing and a dash of acrobatics. its fast-paced and looks cool and actually does take teamwork.

i stand corrected. tchoukball is indeed a fun and freaking cool-looking game. but in defense of myself, and all those others who were exposed to tchoukball at school, it was nothing like this.

and world silver-medaled player, ur blog is in French so i can't understand any of it, but if you're reading this, thanks. its a cool sport.

i'm in such deep shit. lol.

we have but one life, and what are you doing with that life?

usually, at some point in life, we are troubled by who we are, who we were, and most importantly, who we are going to become. and more often than not, we are unhappy with the first two and thus aim to make the last one a good one. so what factors into our choice for who we are going to be?

a common and delusional idea many have is that appearances do not matter. thats like saying suicide isn't wrong. perhaps to you yourself you see no fault with it, and perhaps, there really is no fault with it, but it is just a perception, a view. of course, we all understand that views and perceptions have no right or wrong, by way of definition. however, i am a guy who likes definites and clear black and white(which is troubling because no matter how hard i look, things are always gray), so i choose to define perceptions on practicality.

people, we live in a democracy(shhh, if you correct me the secret police will catch you). and a democracy is founded not upon freedom, not upon choice, not upon rights. democracy is founded upon "majority power". it is a simple yet effective mechanism. times in which there is a difficult decision, one that you cannot or will not make, a common reaction is to push away responsibility. be it the relief of finding a solution to problem, or removing the guilt from making a difficult decision, by removing the concept of "choice", we can achieve it. so its ironic in this sense, that despite us being a democracy, a demonstration of free will and spirit, its founding is based on the taking away of that choice. because clearly, stats show that while well educated, over 50% of people in the US are unable to make politically sound choice if they were placed in a seat of power.

(ok i made that statistic up, but i think its logical. even if there is less than 50% of politically-uneducated people, the majority choice might still be the wrong one. lets say, a choice between sending soldiers into Iraq. 35% of the people are uneducated, and choose to send the soldiers in cos Bush was so charmingly patriotic. then another 20% are the professional analysts, military generals, and self-assured couch potatoes. together that would add up to 55% majority choice that, in my opinion, was a bad one. disagree if you want, your beliefs are not wrong either.)

so if the welfare of the country is truly at stake, a democracy is not necessarily the best structure to adopt. politically educated and patriotic men can make the decision for the entire country that will best lead us to satisfaction and fulfillment, with no choice on our part.

it is at this point that i find holes in all that i've typed... but too late. lol anyway, point is, when it comes to making difficult and hard decisions, leaving it to someone else is often times better. sometimes you dun even know it. if your parents weren't there to guide you on to a future-securing academic trail, you might just be working at Macs now, wondering if you have enough money to both fill your stomach and your closet. (but they also dun really understand us and thinks that we would all be happy as rich lawyers. so i take my parents' advice with cautious acceptance and evaluation).

so what am i getting at here? how is majority choice linked to (scroll up) appearances and suicides? well, as majority choice is the center of our societal structure, i believe majority opinion is just as quintessential to our personal choices and decisions. in other words, appearances do matter. alot. you dress as a homeless hippie, or a skinny jeaned goth freak; thats not getting you a job. probably a few snorts and laughter at that office. you pick your nose in public and shout vulgarities whenever you feel like it, it'll be hard for you to find acceptance in a sophisticated environment. you have a face run over by a truck and dipped in dog shit, it won't matter if you have a heart of gold; the chances you'll find a life partner is equivalent to throwing a stone from a building and hitting Justin Bieber. the possibility is there, its great if it happens, but good luck finding it.

look deep into yourself. appearances do matter. you can tell yourself how being true to yourself is most important, how being yourself is most important, but when are we being ourselves, and when are we being socially unacceptable? if i feel like punching the lights out of every Jonas Brother fan or mugger, is actually doing it being myself, or doing something which disrupts the social structure and should not be done? perhaps its both. and when it is, which do i put priority on? the implications are the same for everything else out there. this is an extreme example but it applies to so much. do i wear this hairclip to school? is it being myself or being socially unacceptable? do i wear a skirt this long? is it being myself or alienating people from me? do i mug just cos everyone is? if i don't, is it being myself, or deviating from an eventual maturity everyone else grows into? and when the choice comes to decide which is more important, how do we choose? how do we decide how much of ourselves to lose in order to fit in, or how much of ourselves to keep at the cost of loosing everyone else?

and when it comes to such difficult choices, we find it hard to decide. and most of the time we leave it to; you guessed it. majority opinion. majority opinion says this clip is too huge and disgusting, i shall not wear it. majority opinion says that such a long skirt makes me a prude, so i won't put it on. majority opinion says that studying is good for you. so i shall mug.

dun worry, i recognize that not everyone is like that, but don't be too smug yet. those who think they do not act according to societal norms, and are exhibiting uniqueness and strength of character, are actually simply choosing to do the opposite of societal norms. case in point, emo people, feminists(i'm sorry i fear for my life i'm too young to die tell my parents i love them i leave all my belongings to anyone who wants them), and fashion forefronts. many of these people claim to have a personal voice, and strength of character, but many of these find these voices by simply doing the opposite of societal norms, in an effort to stand out. this may in fact be subconscious. these people feel that everyone is conforming to societal norms, and that is bad, a sign of weakness, a sign of surrender. they then set themselves on a path to challenge these societal norms, in order to differentiate themselves. fashionistas frown upon those not well-dressed. its been shown that feminists, while hating men who have traditional ideas of women, actually hate women who conform to such ideas even more. emo people... well they're a class of their own and i don't really get them. if i had to say, its that they cant find acceptance of who they are in society and thus choose to alienate themselves; its easier to find companionship in hate than in love. by banding together as people who have a "personal voice or suffering no one can understand", they gain comrades in hating society, easier than finding friends who love them for who they are deep down.

especially people who defend their stand and views strongly. this can mean a lot of things, but one of them is insecurity. same as how someone who is actually insecure with himself will do outrageous things to get attention, an opinionated person will be very expressive and strong about their views and thoughts. an example can be for instance... emo people shouting out who they are and hurting themselves to get attention. or vegetarians incessantly proclaiming the evils of meat eating. or religious buffs who try to batter you into believing in what they do. perhaps this is an outcome of strongly held belief... but you decide. ask yourself... do you really believe in what you stand for so deeply? or are you hiding from the truth?

basically speaking, you're not really unique if who you are is based on who you aren't. many people do not accept this, and choose to feel that they are truly unique and special, they tell themselves this is what they believe in, they do not conform to society. perhaps its true, perhaps it isn't. but the point is, no one is truly free from the societal structure. majority opinion has its imprint on most anything. no one is truly separate from it. so dun claim that appearances don't matter. cos they do.

Notice: optional off topic ranting by weird crazy guy, read at own peril.

[by the way, people want to stand outside of society because conforming shows weakness and surrender. which stands to scrutiny that people who reject societal norms desire strength and power. they draw this strength and power from the fact that they made a choice on where they stand; outside from where other people stand. so its the same as saying a murder is powerful and in control because he chose not to obey the law, something most people do. so i kinda dun understand fashionistas. they always dress to be different (lady gaga), dress to shock (lady gaga), dress to show their inner voice (lady gaga). thats cool. but people who see those as cool, people who look up to them, who praise them for being at the fashion forefront, are truly the ones i do not understand. those who dress fashionably give power to those who they learn from. designers who make radical, different designs are drawing power from the admiration of people who cannot make a choice themselves. and people who wear these designs are appreciated for their strength and ability to break from societal norms. and the people who admire those who start such a new fashion trend and follow after it, are merely manifesting and feeding on the that strength and ability. and those who call these people well dressed, who have impeccable fashion sense, are appreciating these people's borrowed and copied strength.

honestly, it seems just like this giant ripple effect. a designer tries to stand out by doing something different and celebs wear these designs to seem different, teenagers dress like celebs to be different and unique, and those who admire and look up to teenagers who are dressed like celebs are simply looking at a copied work, a borrowed strength of character. i don't see how beauty and true voice of self fit in. from skinny jeans to loose low hanging jeans and back to skinny jeans. each fashion trend is merely the opposite of the previous. i seriously dun see why everyone is so obsessed with it. but hey, who am i to rebel? *pulls on skinny jeans*]

i'll probably get fire from people cos of this. and i guess, no matter if your personal voice is truly cos u have strength of character, or cos you subconsciously choose to be different, no one can truly know. no offense, and i'm not here to pass judgement, but this is what i think, on my blog.

well, i'm out of steam, and my blog once again has a huge post. maybe bigger than last time. o.O but anyway, this is the stuff that goes on in my head sometimes, for no apparent reason. i wanna be a psychologist:/ but my grades are too lousy. if anyone is interested in donating some of their resolve to study, brains, or good results, please leave a message on the tagboard. thank you. (no medal or muffins this time, sorry!)

Rain

it hurts to see your loved one leave

her back fading down the road.
all you can do is sit and weep, as

memories, are all thats left.

i can feel your hand in mine,

leading me through the years.

i hold myself and cry at night, you're gone,

taking all, that we shared...

your smile

your touch

your loving caress,

are all that remind me of you.

rainy days that we laid, in bed, are over,

oh how the years have flew.

we were nineteen and madly in love

ooooh..the sky was the limit.

i didn't think that this would end,

but now, alone, here i sit.

now that its all over and done

we can move on with our lives.

to me back then you were the sun, now,

i look forward, to the stars...

your smile

your touch

your loving caress,

are all that remind me of you.

rainy days that we laid, in bed, are over,

oh how the years have flew.

school culture and why it rhymes with painful torture..

this is a post which, in a sense, i set up this blog to post. i've wanted to post this rant for so long, i actually feel relief typing this. but somehow my hands are shaking. maybe its me exaggerating, maybe its not that serious, but hell, this is my post.

this is a post, which will be about how i shit i feel this whole school system to be. specifically, AJC.

this is probably not a topic new to anyone; it certainly isn't new to me. i've talked to many people, heard many opinions, saw it from many angles, but it still bugs me nonetheless.

ok the way i see it, right now, we're still in our youths. so why isn't anyone acting that way? we're 17, 18, u can call that mature, call that sensible, but fuck it, we're still young. why isn't anyone willing to have let loose and have fun? to take from those i've discussed this with, there are a shit load of reasons.

1)A levels
2)Family pressure

3)Competition

4)Teacher's expectations
5)Self expectations

but for me, the way i see it, its more of a percentage. because there's no single reason, its a culmination of a lot of reasons that make u the mugger that u've become. so for instance:

family pressure:40%
competition:20%
teacher's expectations:10%
self expectations:20%
aspirations:10%
=
100% mugger

and it varies from person to person. i've tried analyzing people (yes i am that bored) and i almost went mad. well, maybe u dunno this about me, but i'm someone who likes to categorize. i am, in a sense, a neat freak. but its very subliminal. anyway, i like to categorize. but i find that its impossible to categorize these reasons into a basket, "cos its all interlinked", to quote history teacher and schizophrenic mother figure to us, Ms Carolyn Ng. for instance, self expectations may have arose from family pressure, and ur aspirations may have arose from ur self expectations. so i gave up on that thread, and tried to find a common reason, a similarity that everyone shared. and, while its far from being reliable enough to submit for PW marking, i believe that the one reason, the one basic factor that has wrought this festering hive of muggerism and crazy drive for personal excellence... is in a sense, the desire to fit in.

to understand why i came to this conclusion, i have to explain my stand on the nature VS nurture debate. (ok i'm assuming, that since u've read up till here, u're actually interested in what i think. if u don't, and feel that, "man, this guy is just so childish. he should be spending this time studying for his A's instead of writing this bullshit" then i am not obliged to make this post appealing to you. go suck on a physics textbook or something.)

nature VS nurture. its a long-drawn debate since time immemorial (lol) about which impacts an individual's personality and actions more, the character he was born with(hence nature), or the society he lives in(hence nurture). i am a strong believer that nurture is the ultimate factor. while i agree that everyone is unique, there are traits which people brought up in the same environment or way share. for instance, students who studied in cat high tend to be looser with their grammar, actions, and in certain cases, their morals. students who studied in RI tend to be pompous stuck up douchebags. but of course, i stereotype.

which brings me back to my original point. people are like this, because of the desire to fit in. i went through many theories before i reached this one, and i may yet got through more. but at this point of time, this theory seems the most logical, and frankly, frustrating one.

AJC is a mugger school.

while some may contest this, and say that, no! ajc can be a fun school! it just depends on how u look at it, and how u choose to play ur part to make it into an interesting and involving place. but of course, these people come from council and no one really cares about what they think. (i know i'm stereotyping. there are some great people in council, and if this offends you i'm sorry! :X ) i dunno how, maybe its the drab buildings (while most have just attributed this to poor budget, i believe the buildings are kept intentionally boring and soul-sucking to prevent us from being optimistic, fun loving individuals), maybe its the way the subjects are taught, maybe its the practically complete lack of any activities mildly fun and exciting (initiation: play a game in the field where everyone has water pistols and you're supposed to wet the other team's newspaper flag to win! oh, and you cannot run, but can only walk at a sedately brisk pace! well, fuck you at a sedately brisk pace!). i dunno how, but AJC just is a boring and drab school. which is why its students become boring and drab. trust me, i had a glass is half full attitude when i first came here. i believed that i could have a fun experience, while balancing studies. and i believed this would be the case for everyone in the class.

initiation was not bad. everyone in the class seemed cheerful and nice, no one i desired to kick the living shit out of. (ahem) and the cycling trip we once had was great, and i really believed that i would experience the dream jc life i had. but after initiation, when the first hints of work coming in... class dates were turned down, lunch invites were turned down... and everyone seemed to withdraw into themselves and interaction seemed harder and harder.

the thing is, i wasn't that kinda person. i'm naturally not a hardworking person... so seeing the people around me becoming like this, i panicked and tried to see why. and almost 2 years later, now, i still don't know. but one of the reasons could possibly the desire to fit in.

the desire to fit in is a powerful desire, and is a basic desire for almost all people. humans can be arguably said to naturally and instinctively form societies. our selfish and basic instinct to use violence to support our selfishness may pose a problem at times, but the world we live in now is evidence of this innate nature to form society. of course, it then goes without saying that humans may choose to change themselves simply to fit in to a societal structure. i'm sure u've all seen examples of this on cliche channel 8 depictions of school life on Sunday mornings. good-natured, bullied kid turns bad to fit in, feels guilty after hurting others and changes back, hence learning an important life lesson etc etc. but thats not the only case in which people conform to society. negro slaves way back when conformed to societal norms so as to fit into american society. workers giving up on morals so as to fit in and not stick out enough to get fired. and personally, i feel that this kinda conformity is what has happened in AJC.

so, i shall now reconcile the points i've been talking about:

1)AJC being a drab and boring place, which thus breeds muggers.
2)Students desire to fit in causing them to become muggers.

i believe that AJC's environment encourages muggers to rise up the social ladder and gain recognition, and those devil-may-care, thrill-loving people slowly fall into the line on the ladder so as not to stick out.

digest that for a moment. if you're from AJC, think about it. do you see this happening? take people popular in ur class, or ur clique, and place them into ur secondary school setting. will they be as popular? will they have as much influence? if you're not from AJC, congratulations:)

i shall reiterate: this is by no means absolute and true. this is just one of the thoughts that i have about the school i currently find myself in. having said that, hold ur outbursts of i'm-not-someone-who-conforms-to-society-i-mug-for-my-own-future, and listen. u have the right to come and kick my ass afterward, but for now, gimme the benefit of doubt.

of course, as with everything else on earth, there are exceptions. there are people who have mugged all along, and people who truly changed because they really want to do well for their own future. but for those who have conformed to the mugger-atmosphere they are in, is that really what you want out of life?

look, perhaps i'm not the most reliable person to hear this from, but i understand how the A levels are important. i understand how important going to a good university is. to be honest, i'm afraid that i can't get into a good uni and i'll be fucked. but step back and look at it from other angles.

1)the A levels are no more important than the O levels. alot of people who scored jackshit for their O levels still went on to do well. the only reason u're placing more emphasis on the A levels is cos everyone says its more important. cos everyone else is rushing to score well for it. cos everyone says its time to be mature and work for ur success. for me, the O levels were important, but not the most important thing in my life. and i choose to see the A levels in the same light, as much as i can. if ur sights have always been set on something beyond the O levels, if ur priorities have never been on studies, but on something which made u feel more fulfilled, i hope that u not lose sight of that, or give up on that sense of fulfillment just because everyone else is doing something else.

2)balance. i see alot of people who can balance work and play. people who can study enough to do decent for exams, and still go out with their friends and have fun. u dun have to spend ur days glued to books, measuring time not in hours and minutes, but chapters and pages of notes. will taking off a couple of hours to spend with ur friends be that damaging to ur academic pursuits? i've heard people complain about how they wasted an hour eating lunch when they could have been revising, or how they wasted an hour sleeping or talking to someone when they could have done so much work. seriously, take it easy. don't give urself so much pressure that u deny urself life. as a saying goes, 'we often spend so much time preparing for life, that we have no time to live it.' so give urself time to live in the moment, and not beat urself up cos of a little less time to reconcile ur love affair with linear equations.

3)life is short! we're young, and we only live once. a commonly used defense when asked why they're studying so hard, is that they can enjoy life after they've earned themselves a stable job. ok... so ask urself, after u've gotten that degree, that masters, that honours, and u've gotten urself that high-paying managerial job at that firm... can u really enjoy life then? have u ever heard stories from ur parents about how fulfilling and enjoyable their high-paying desk job is? has any lawyer or doctor managed to say that, 'thank god i gave up my youth to work so hard for this job! i can finally enjoy myself!'? i doubt so. because studying is not a means to an end. studying does not ensure u a fun and exciting future life. its simply a process in this society we live in, that forces us to work in order to survive. its up to u to enjoy the life u've been given, up to u to experience what truly makes life worth living, what truly makes life life. i'm gonna reuse the quote from earlier, just cos its so cool: 'we often spend so much time preparing for life, that we have no time to live it.'

ok, by here, u've probably got some ideas about where i should stuff all these immature and irresponsible opinions in/up/at... and u're free to elaborate. because i know that everyone has their own opinion of where they are, what they're doing, and where they're going. perhaps u can say i have no right to pass judgement on them. and perhaps u can say that i'm just being a lazy, immature and irresponsible brat.

and i'd agree with you.

i have no right to pass judgement on anyone's life, and if thats the impression u've gotten from this post, i'm sorry. but this is simply the way i fear the people around me have become, and this blog post is my way of hoping to perhaps remind some of who they are. i have feel myself conforming through the years. i've done more work in this 1 and a half years than i have in my whole 4 years in cat high, and frankly it scares the fuck out of me. i'm scared i'll lose sight of who i was. if i can become a mugger, whats stopping me from becoming some guy who like the jonas brothers and justin beiber? whats stopping me from getting all douchy and pompous and looking down on people who dress less than fashionably? (probably my own lack of fashion sense.) i used to wanna form a band and make that the main focus of my life, performing at pubs and maybe concerts, and just having fun. but the more time i spend here, the more i'm losing sight of that. because it just doesn't seem practical. is this because i'm conforming to the ideal of finding a stable job is more important, or because i'm growing up? i dunno, and thats whats so fucking terrifying.

and yeah, i'm probably just being a lazy, immature and irresponsible brat. and maybe i'm just being a short-sighted, devil-may-care dreamer. and that is the beauty of it. i can be who i want, who i am. i dun want to conform to the society around me. i want to be me, the person that i am not matter if its popular, or hated. but its getting harder and harder. awhile back, i found that i dun have a single friend reminding me of who i am. everyone is so caught up in their studying for A levels, that i couldn't find anyone to dream about a fantastical life after A levels with. i couldn't find anyone who i can just talk shit with, about how cool it would be to be in a band, or to have an all night long LAN session. so i guess thats what this post is about. to remind people to think back, to remind them of who they were, and what their dreams used to be. because so many people have forgotten about that.

ultimately, i find it sad. because... i've lost quite a few friends to this A level pressure and mugger culture. people who i've once been able to talk to, and rely on have turned their focus to the pursuit of academic excellence. and it bums the shit out of me cos, i can't grab them and shake them and try to beat some sense into them; cos they're not doing something wrong and stupid. its for their own good, and i've no right to interfere with that. fuck.

back to my first few words... i wanted to blog about this issue so much but haven't because i was afraid people would think i was immature and irresponsible. so i told myself i could wait, that i'd should see all this issue from as many angles as possible first. and this 'wait' dragged and dragged. and i realized that while true and sensible, waiting to see this issue from all angles had turned into a convenient excuse cos i was afraid of what others would think. well, fuck it. i've said all i had to. as much as i hope i've not offended anyone with this, its also my opinion on this and i'll stand by it. (at least until i find a more reasonable and logical explanation.)

yeah i'm a dreamer :)

on a completely unrelated note, teacher's day rocked! XD but its too late to write more... i'll post about it next time:)

EDIT: holy shit. i just saw this post on my blog and its damn freaking long. o.O if u got through the whole thing u deserve a medal. lol. failing that, a muffin!:)

Harold & Kumar

so you know, while i was searching around the web for stuff awhile back, i came upon Harold & Kumar. i remembered that it was a show my coz told me bout, so i decided, hey wth, lets see what its all about. so i went to find it. so, there are two movies actually,

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

and

Harold & Kumar: Escape From Guantanamo Bay

interesting posters? not really. but damn are the movies funny. i'm not here to spoiler any plots, so this shall be a spoiler free review! so read on without fear!

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle. the first time i saw this i was like dude. whats a white castle? i knew it had weed in it... so i thought, is this just about two guys getting high and going on some road-trip to some non-existent place?

well, i was wrong. at least that about the non-existent part. White Castle is apparently a fast food joint. stars Harold (john cho, korean) and Kumar (kal penn, indian) have a sudden (and perhaps weed-induced) craving for burgers, and decide to have White Castle sliders. after the resolution that they will not give up until they have white castles in their stomachs, they're off on a wildly madcap and at times, ridiculous trip to get those White Castle burgers. there are issues explored in the film(i think), like racism, true love, police brutality, the unfair hierarchal working system we have to live with... but i'm just gonna call a spade a spade. it is a comedy. the issues addressed do add a layer of thought-provoking classiness to it, but lets be honest. no matter how much u try to decorate your bathroom, a toilet is a toilet. White Castle is an outright comedy that, while crude and blunt, is actually funny. perhaps its the hapless losers that are Harold and Kumar (which many of us can relate to). perhaps its the film's unreserved, and unabashed usage of comedic situations, without trying to be pretentiously classy. perhaps its Neil Fucking Patrick Harris. but damn this is a comedy.

face it guys. perhaps the first 2.. or 30 love-comedies are funny. but you're bound to get sick of the lame and cliche you-are-totally-not-the-type-of-girl-i'll-like-but-through-a-series-of-boring-ass-predictable-events-we-fall-in-love-happily-ever-after plot. the comedy? seriously? woops i just dropped my girlfriend on the floor/in the water/out a plane. woops i fell off my bike/horse/bed. woops i just splashed my mother-in-law in the face with lemonade/beer/some-unwashable-substance/pee(ok, i made this one up. but even then it would be boring.). my god, these movies make me want to punch kittens.

so when i finally managed to dig out this historic gem (released 9 may 2008 i think), and watch it, i thanked the gods themselves(oh and my coz). this is what comedy should be about. weed, bongs, physical violence and boobs. yes, there are boobs in this movie so u squeamish types, i'm sorry, please try somewhere else. i hear Cats & Dogs is out. or something.

the second movie is pretty much the same as the first, just larger scale. bigger settings(from texas to amsterdam), wider issues(terrorism, governmental corruption), and... well, more bong-smoking, tit-squeezing and laugh-inducing shit. seriously. i don't wanna spoiler it for any of you guys out there who will wanna go see these movies, but fuck, they meet the fucking Ku Klux Klan, and Neil Patrick Harris rides a Fucking unicorn. you just gotta check it out man.

movie reviewing's harder than i thought:/

I'm so pissed off i'm posting part two of Tchoukball

so i felt bad being so one-sided and biased. so i went to find out more about it. and came across this article. its an interview of a national tchoukball player. and i almost shat bricks.

here's an excerpt.

"E: Explain tchoukball in 10 words or less.
M: It is a sport which displays sportsmanship.

E: Explain tchoukball in 8 words (to your grandmother).
M: Tchoukball is played without body contact, don’t worry!!

E: Tell us what tchoukball is to you in 6 words.
M: It is a gift from God."

and

"E: Why tchoukball? What is it about tchoukball that attracts you?
M: I suppose it’s the game play and the amount of improvement we can gain from the better players. We can always keep improving and I get to build more friendship other than through school.

E: How are you different now because of tchoukball?
M: I am physically healthier and stronger due to the trainings. And emotionally happier. And spiritually comforted."

Tchoukball

teacher's day rehearsal!

was damn tiring. dunno why. maybe wearing jeans for 5 hours in hall like an oven? playing through a 3 song playlist under (weird coloured) spotlights twice? or maybe the PE today morning, where we lost at tchoukball?

tchoukball. lemme give a short explanation of what it is for those of u who aren't sure what it is:

think captain's ball. now, replace each catcher, or "captain" with a trampoline at 45 degrees aimed the sky. each team only has three passes to score. the opponent team cannot intercept, or interrupt ur pass to ur teammate. to score, you have to throw the ball at the trampoline, and make sure no one on the opponent team catches it. oh, and ur can score either side's trampoline. also, the moment you drop the ball possession changes to the opponent. and if u miss your shot at the trampoline, point goes to the opponent. say what?

hey, i'm sure the game has its fans, and its supporters. i'm cool with that. not everyone likes basketball. so just a fair warning: this will be a biased and one-sided rant AGAINST tchoukball.

with that out of the way...

WHAT THE TCHOUK?

seriously. after my first time playing the game, it reminded me of chess. u have to plan ur player placement properly so as to use the three passes to get close enough to the goal. then you can't move with the ball(at least our teacher didn't allow us to), and you can't intercept if u see that some opponent near you is going to get the ball. also, dropping the ball causes possession to change. do you know how restricting these rules are?! you got ur ball, and ur like, two steps too far from the goal to make a confident shot... and its an impassable distance. but if u shoot, and miss, the opponent gains a point. wha-? and you can't intercept passes... seriously? i can only stand there helplessly as the opponent gets the ball? wow. and dropping the ball changes the ball? have you seen the size of that thing? its like using chopsticks to pick up a pea. frustrating and potentially stroke-inducing.

to be honest, this game is as far from a team sport as i know. to my primitive and stereotypical mind, a team sport is an activity(see, activity. u actually are ACTIVE) which involves skill, reflexes, physical ability, cooperation, and flow. flow... means the pacing, the speed of the games. look at soccer. basketball. hockey. these team games all have one thing in common; they're competitive and fast-paced. thats what team sports are about! working together effectively and efficiently in the heat of the moment.

tchoukball... has no flow. i mean, maybe, if u do find some reason to embrace and love this game(sorry eve), maybe u can be familiar enough to play a smooth flowing game. but to be honest, at our level, having never played tchoukball before, its an unnecessarily complicated and slow paced game. u need to calm down and find where your players are, and as long as they're in a good position, u can just pass. there's no faking out, there's no distracting, there's no reflex for intercepting. no matter how bad or obvious the pass, u can only watch helplessly as it lands into the guy next to you's arms.

and the scoring system. seriously? you give the other team a point if we miss? how nonsensical and unfair. it doesn't encourage enthusiasm, it encourages the developing of a tactical sniper's aim. to get the correct angle to shoot the ball so the rebound will be uncatchable. one word... no, TWO words. fucking dumb.

hey, you can say its a non-contact game, its a tactical game, its a slow-paced game, its a thinking game.... if i want all that i'll be grabbing ivory-carved, horse-shaped chess pieces, not a ball. to put it nicely, its a game that discourages newcomers with its excessive and superfluous rules. it requires higher-level thinking and tactical deployment that are rarely seen in other sports. to put it frankly, its a game that tries too hard to stand out by doing the opposite of everything popular sports are. there's reason why there's isn't an MP3 that DOESN'T play songs smoothly, or a car that CANNOT move. if basketball, rugby, american football, are all such popular games, why purposely try to be everything they're not? i can just imagine the guy who invented this game.

Tchoukball Inventor: 'i need to stand out! i shall invent a brand new game thats completely unique and different from all things fun! i shall make it slow and podding and have the rules bog down the flow of the game as much as possible!'

Random Passerby: 'dude, someone already invented that. its called chess. and even chess has a timer to make it go faster.'

Tchoukball Inventor: 'damnit! fine, then i shall add in... a ball! thats different from chess! and... i shall add in trampolines! everyone love's trampolines! and i shall make it a team sport so i can play it together with my friends! mmm... just need to find some friends...'

and, whats up with the name tchoukball? tchouk? what the hell is that? sounds like some sad, faraway alien race who haven't evolved enough to come up with a decent name for themselves. or is that the sound made when u score? wait, that's basketball.

so what i mean is, i don't get this game at all. AT ALL. all games have a primal, simple goal that draws people to them. basketball, soccer, hockey... to get the ball into the net. rugby, american football, baseball... to get the ball to a certain area. even solo sports, golf, archery... to get the ball or arrow to a hole or a bullseye. its a very basic and simple attraction. tchoukball... bounce the ball off a trampoline and hope to God no one catches it.

and why the fucking trampoline?! seriously?!

in a nutshell, WHAT THE TCHOUK?

P.S. lol, i ended up not talking bout teacher's day rehearsal at all. nvm, i'll blog it after the performance itself.

twisted... pretzels!!

an empty bed, an empty chair.

an empty house, an empty life.

an empty heart, an empty love.

an empty promise, an empty hope.

in my eyes, only you.

brown eyes, like mine.

loved ice cream, like me.

watched stars in the sky, with me.

alone without family, like me.

in a world of lies, what is real?

a kiss a touch

a caring smile

in bed at night, caressing, loving.

not a word, not a sound, you left.

you left.

outside his house

silent, unmoving, watching

watching. a light on

in the bedroom

shadows moving, caressing, loving.

who are you?

who are you?

anger burns, pain chills.

the door comes down

i rush up

the stairs and stop it.

since we were young

in love, in love.

blade of betrayal, i return it.

stabbing, twisting but things

will never be the same.

broken love, broken mirror

always cracks, always cracks.

why, sister dearest?

why?

emo nemo zero hero!

~

ivory dress pooled around her knees.

her face of anguish; of unchained fear.
clasping his hand, she cries "don't go"

but he turns away; she will never be whole.

suitcase packed, memories of the years

are all thats left. a home of tears.

little Jane in the doorway, blanket in her hand.

where, she whispers, where is daddy going?

once was love, support, care

now a lonely bed, a pillow, a chair.

a courtship of passion, of desire sang

in the end, nothing but embers twisting, dying.

pills and knives and skyscrapers tall,

took on new meaning as her despair deepened.

mummy mummy, i want a story.

was all that kept her sane, that kept her going.

and then, a sliver of hope, a hand so firm.

another, perhaps, but never him.

let me in, he whispers, open your heart.

but it won't be easy, hidden in the dark.

slowly trusting, her hand reaches out

a part in tears, the other in bliss.

he will hurt you again, the past cries.

let him, for i am stronger; i will not hide.

~

random poem... this is fun:)

vi...wait for it... waaait for it... deo! mmm that didn't work very well.

beautiful song. beautiful perfomance.

beautiful love.

--5 dollars--

t'was not complicated,

nor overly long

but a simple tale
of a boy and a gal.

it was on a beach i chanced

upon such beauty

peerless and absolute

as you shall soon see.

she had eyes of sapphire

lips crimson like fire.

her skin was porcelain,

her bearing, of a saint.

with a smile so beautiful

she beckoned me over

and whispered softly,

'have you got 5 dollars?'

puzzled i grinned,

and pulled out five coins

our hands touched as i passed it over

and i felt a stir in my groin.

'so what are u gonna spend

that 5 dollars on?'

'oh nothing much...

just some flavored condoms.'

eyes starting to widen

as i let out a squeak.

am i hallucinating

or is she coming onto me?!

my palms got sweaty

as i looked nervously away

'oh, whatever for,

if ask i may.'

'well, what do you think'

she whispered seductively.

oh my god!

her voice is so sexy!

'um,' i stammered

excited and eager

'i think its for sex...'

and i started to tear.

because you see

i'm so old i'm embarrassed

forty years old

forty one this august.

since i was a kid

everyone called me a nerd.

with my socks pulled high

i guess i am, in every sense of the word.

thus its no surprise

when i say i'm a virgin.

when u're at my age

i think that's a sin.

so i wiped away my tears of joy

and grabbed her by the hand.

'come my sweet maiden,

let's make love in the sand!'

as i gazed into her eyes

i was so happy i could sing!

i'm going to lose my virginity,

to this alarm clock's ring.

oh. damn it.

--5 dollars--

arty farty monkey baby lovey dovey wishy washy

"as the sky turns an autumn red, our love fades into the dying light."

i feel very... nua. lol. as in, that feeling where u dun feel like doing anything, just melting and relaxing. sorta like an ice cream. haha. i get this way alot, especially during sunsets. theres just something about it:) then recently our GP teacher asked us to read Martin Luther King's "I have a dream speech" and damn, it was chock full of metaphors, descriptions, feeling... at the risk of being cliche, i'd say that even without its aim of liberating Negroes, its still a moving and powerful speech, able to touch the emotions we've buried in the face of logic and efficiency. and i remembered that i like to do such stuff too, way back when. so i decided that i might as well brush up... and what better subject than the sunset:)

Sunset. A time of beauty, where we celebrate an ending, rather than a start. As the radiant sun rests, it takes on a red hue of the deepest maroon, yet at the same time, the brightest amaranth. the sight is soothing, as it brings upon a quiet contemplation of life; of its impermanence, of its strength, of its elegance. "Life isn't about how many breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away." And that is true beauty. A flare of passion and love, an instant of inspiration and awe, a dash of grace and abandon is all it takes for one to feel alive.

Sunset. The moment whereupon life-giving light, in its dying moments, exude an illustrious aura, captivating, entrancing all that watch, before fading into a silent darkness, leaving us with an emptiness. An emptiness that isn't at all regretful or uneasy, but calming and comforting.

Sunset. In its crimson glory, it is more valuable than the most resplendent diamond, more fervent than the most passionate love. Its delicate allure is akin to that of a translucent dewdrop upon a beryl blade of grass at first dawn; of the delightful chirping of swallows as they flit around in playful abandon; of the the peaceful sapphire of an ocean framed by soft, silk sand. It is Nature as its zenith. It is a phenomenon of transcendent beauty, made all that more precious in its fleeting.

Sunset. Isn't it ironic how, despite its ephemeral nature, gazing upon it makes one lose all urgency as the world becomes irrelevant in the face of such everlasting yet evanescent beauty? Isn't it ironic how, the loneliness and the unknown it signals adds to its captivating lure? Isn't it ironic how, its inevitability makes one feel abysmally unimportant yet immeasurably intrinsic?

whew. that was... quite refreshing. much better than the super dull and repetitive econs essays and history essays. no offence! but i'm getting rusty:/ had to check thesaurus for fleeting and beauty. haiz. need to get writing more!

was going to deal with the subject of love, but i feel all arty-fartied out. i'll do it some other time:) today's post is quite short, so i leave you with this youtube video! personally i don't like clicking on video links, cos they load slow on third party websites.... but its worth it! check it out! :) :) :)

oh and one last thing, i found this on my old blog. and i thought it was cool:) so i'm gonna repost it here:)

the blur of the focused

the burn of the freezing

the hope of the damned

the joy of the grieving

the pain of the numb

the hate of the virtuous

the love of the cynic.

not one, not two, but four posts!

well. fourth post and counting.

not much today. free, so thought i'd update.

u know how awhile back... ok actually like, two posts or so back. u can just go see it. but anyway, awhile back i was really sian of studying, and talked about how i tried but its hard and all that?

guess what, its still true.

lol. seriously though, studying is sian, and always will be. and thats whats different. i've made my peace with that. rather than be a fish who complains about the flow of the river, i just go with it. but the thing is, is this part of losing myself?

look, i've been a staunch member of the ASCIKIAGLOH. the Anti-School-Cos-It-Kills-Individuality-And-Gives-Lots-Of-Homework. now, u may dismiss this as bullshit, but look around u, and i'm sure u will find someone who's like that. the ASCIKIAGLOH is actually only a subgroup from the main body, the IHSIG (I-Hate-School-In-General). i'm glad to say we have 90% of the student population under the IHSIG flag! (the other 10% wears high socks. ) oh and btw, i bet u tried pronouncing ASCIKIAGLOH. in fact, statistics say that in the face of an acronym with more than 3 vowels, the average person will attempt to pronounce it.

ok, but point is, i've always seen school, especially Singapore's, as a giant melting pot. that maybe a good thing (see America), but i think it sucks. i'm all up for individuality and uniqueness. i believe everyone is born unique. everyone has a unique talent. for instance, i have a unique talent for pissing people off. its god-given. i can look at u, and guess with 85% accuracy what will piss u off.

but seriously, right? everyone's born unique. but our schools hardly take this into account. take Economics for instance. do u think it takes into account ur unique perspective? no, it crams a format, fixed content, a fixed structure as far down ur throat as it'll go, gives u pen and paper, and grades u on how much of that crap u can spit up in a set time limit. what we learn in class isn't how to put our own views and understanding of the world economy into prose that inspires new perspectives, its how the education system wants u to write so that u'll get an A. i mean come on, am i the only one who sees this? we go to an education system, it teaches us how to write so we'll get a good grade from its own exam, and seriously, we come out not having learnt anything of practical use. i got this image in my head right now. education is this giant talking head, and its saying "i'll force u to learn completely irrelevant stuff for 6 years or more so that i can give u this certificate and u can go get a job". and u have no choice. because society is that fucked up. how should, a job that counts on ur ability argue for the rights of ur client, got to do with freaking differentiation? yet we have to learn it.

it is at this point that i find myself taking up the commonly-perceived as childish argument that we should be allowed to take the course we want from young. why go to secondary school and JC just to learn the same thing as everyone else and get melted together? honestly, i believe my practical education ended at p6, when i learned how to read and write both english and chinese, and enough maths to order my own meal without bringing too little money.

why can't i choose to be a writer and focus on that from the age of 10? because i won't be mature enough to decide? fine, give me the option to switch when i find that its not working out then. cos thats what education is about, isn't it? we should learn things we're interested in, not learn things some guy in parliament thinks we should learn. this is my idea of a perfect education system.

we get basic training how to read, write, spell, talk, count... all the basics of life. basically primary school. then we go to educationary school (see how i made the pun, with the education plus secondary, cos i think this is the real type of education and not... ah forget it.) we pick from an entire list of subjects and the description of the subject will include what taking that subject will help u become. for instance, one such subject description should look like this.

Further English.

This is a subject which educates u extensively in the art of the english language; its execution, its style, its practicality and its beauty. its history is optional. people who want to be Lawyers, Writers, Actors, Songwriters, Poets Etc, should take this subject. people who want to be Accountants, Mathematicians, Scientists, Businessmen Etc should fuck off and die. (i'm joking. i dun get the draw of those jobs, but i respect ur choice:) )

then we go on and take the subject. then we can take any amount of subjects we want, like lawyers can take further english, further history, further chinese, further debating etc etc to help him in his job. this goes on for 2 to 5 years, depending on the subjects u choose. then u go onto pre-work education. where u actually choose specific training in ur job. like if u want to be a teacher, u go to teacher school. u want to be a writer u go to writer school. u want to be a tele-marketer u go to really-annoying-people school. etc. then after u complete that, u have a choice to further ur studies in further education, which allows u to go overseas andstuff etc etc to learn more. and if u feel that ur chosen line isnt really that appealing, u get a choice to try again.

to me, i think that would be the perfect education system. i mean, u force me to take 2 sciences and 2 arts in secondary? for nuts? if i aim to be a writer, or an english teacher, why the hell would i need to learn science? isnt that a waste of manpower and time? honestly. u want well rounded? then how come the economy isn't like that. (i take a breath here to give a warning. economics stuff coming up now. if u're allergic to any form of economics, please skip ahead.)how come singapore doesn't produce our own crops, make our own water? because its inefficient and stupid. if we can get all this by trading, then we can all specialize then everyone gains. but our education system insists on wasting our time with trivial and irrelevant stuff. seriously. if u're a doctor, knowing whether or not singapore relies on exchange rate or interest rate policy isn't going to help u.

the education system does streamline throughout the years, but way too slowly. and even at uni, ur final stop, it still only gives u subjects. it doesnt give u career choices. sociology? sounds interesting. the study of human behavior? cool. what am i going to be with a sociology degree? um, i dunno. thats how it is. its interesting how they can give u such an in depth look into what it is, how they will teach it to you, how u can excel in it, how u can learn the same subject but in different countries, but they never tell u what job it'll help u get on the brochure. isnt that what education is for? for u to get a job?

the biggest irony though, is that we often dun get the job out education aims us at. like i heard about once, i forgot who, but he got a degree in economics, and ended up being a primary school teacher teaching english and science and arts. huh.

but going back to my point, i've accepted all this and now work doesn't seem to so evil and oppressive now. i tell myself, after i graduate and hopefully go university(hopefully hopefully hopefully), i'll really pursue my dreams. but is this acceptance the first step to becoming one of the mindless fish that swims out of the river of education into the sea of practicality? (ok that was quite bad, sorry). i dunno. and i dunno what scares me more, that accepting all this and continuing to study may make me into a brainwashed product of our education system with no individuality, or that even after typing out all this, i want to accept because its easier.

anyways, i dunno bout u, but i think that was a whole load of horsecrap of what i feel and think about the education system. if u feel i've wasted ur time, i'm sincerely sorry and will try to write better stuff next time. :) hope it wasn't too bad and cya next time:)

sick.

i got to thinking. different unis offer different courses and i think, that's cool. i wish i could get the course i want. then i can specialize in the subject i want and then!!... get a job completely unrelated to my cert. isn't that a bummer? i mean, haven't u seen or heard of stories where someone gets like, a business degree, but becomes an insurance agent? not completely unrelated but still. so it is entirely possible to work towards and finally get our hands on that coveted degree, yet end up in a shit of a job. i was about to lament about the unfairness of this, but i realized, isn't that what life is like in itself? i sure wasn't planning on mugging(trying) my brains out in a mugger school 2 years back. in fact, according to my Great Pre-Uni Plan, i should be refining my electric bass playing skills while juggling playing in a basketball team around this team. my noob-ness in afore mentioned fields aside, where i am now is pretty much as far as i could get from my envisioned life. perhaps not as slack as mine, but haven't u found that many times u have strayed from ur expected or planned path? an aspiring JC student who hopes for a straight track to uni and a doctorate may find themselves on a small detour to a Polytechnic. promising singers may find themselves trapped between a tall stack of economics notes and a pile of history books, their voice used no more than to inquire about the elasticity of demand or the reasons for the rise of religious fundamentalist groups. so what do we do now?

usually here will be where i impart my views on how one should follow their dreams and never give up, but perhaps that is too impractical. indeed, what can we do in this cold hard world where we sell our dreams for money? sometimes very little money even. (no matter what a certain teacher says i'm convinced she actually draws like, a 6 figure salary and has enough money in her bank to buy a bungalow, just for fun. D: ) i dunno, to be honest. even now i'm trying to find my way through this world thats so practical and hardworking. i've lived most of my life without any planning as to my education, or goals as to my grades. i just drifted through life, clutching the pathetic dream of becoming a writer. but now reality has ripped that dream outta my hands and shoved unis, courses, degrees, majors, overseas programs, insurance agents, horiculture(wtf?), teachers all in my face, and i feel overwhelmed.

i'd be glad if anyone at all reads this, so i'm not expecting anyone to take anything away from these rants, but i must say this time i dun have anything learnt. today was so educational, yet i learnt nothing, so informative, but i only got more confused.

and we had a farewell dinner with ms lee. :( she's the anti-thesis of what i am, hardworking, strict, organized... but i'll miss her. we all will. for all the merciless beatings we took at pw, the harsh ass-kicking during econs, the hardcore scoldings during lectures, only served to enrich our experience at AJC. you will forever be within our hearts as a great teacher ms lee. failing that, some young lady who shouted alot. i salute u.

P.S. ms lee, please forgive me for using this picture if u ever read my blog, but i had to. really. i'm sorry.

Numba two

ok.today i've got a quote from my favorite tv series, "how i met your mother." great show, check it out:)

"Okay, yes, it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake. But there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake, but you don't really know it's a mistake, because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back and say, "Yep, that was a mistake." So, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'd go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And, damn it, I've made no mistakes! I've done all of this, my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?"


probably not. so i'll give you a minute to go back and read it all again:)











cool? basically its saying how, life isn't about doing everything perfectly, but experiencing everything at least once. according to a survey i found online, regret is the worst feeling in the world, on par with being cheated on, and slightly behind the death of family or self(though technically that wouldn't be a feeling cos you'd be dead but anyway). so honestly, would u want yourself to be cheated on? i believe not. so why do so many people risk regretting the experiences they never had, preferring to take the safe, sensible route?

simple. the answer is fear.

seriously. look at it, our society, our family, ourselves.... its all ruled by fear. we gotta score well, if not we won't have a good life! we gotta be popular so we can fit in and not be left out! we gotta study and put my own interests first, if not i will suffer and that guy will be better than me! we gotta do homework so our teacher won't scold us! look deep down, aren't you the same? humans, since time immemorial(god i've always wanted to say that), have been ruled by fear. fear of god, fear of being ostracized, fear of death and fear of loneliness have been a few of the primary fears that all people share. and most people would say, hey, whats wrong to fear? its not cowardly, its whats best for us. perhaps, but what if we can overcome these fears?what if, after discovering our greatest fear, we don't take steps to avoid it, but face it head on?


how many of you are afraid of spiders? come on hands up. in fact, i'll man up. i am completely... not terrified of spiders. heh. you wussies. ok, but seriously, if you're afraid of spiders, would u ever dare to... hold one in your hand? or visit the spider enclosures at... is there anywhere they keep spiders? mmm.

or heights. i'm afraid of heights, and honestly the idea of taking just the singapore flyer freaks me out. but given the chance, i would go for it. really. at the risk of sounding like this weird, shameless douche, when u actually face down your fears and just like flip it a strong and firm metaphorical middle finger, do you really, really feel in control of your life. for me, this moment was... ok this does sound quite idiotic typed out, but this moment was when i leaned on the railings on the top floor Plaza Singapura and looked down to the crowds below. not exactly an awe-inspiring and motivational example, but yeah. i remember when i was young, i went to PS alot. but whenever i rode the escalator i always didn't dare to look down cos its just so damn high. like you're about to fall off. so that day, when i gathered up my nuts and looked over that railing, i felt really in control. like, i could do anything. i could go on a roller coaster ride. i could complete that stupid high elements resilience course in J1. i could take the goddamn singapore flyer.

and perhaps u have felt such a thrill before. the adrenaline shoots up to your head, and u feel pretty damn good about yourself. in fact, it doesn't even have to come from facing your fears.for instance, completing an 8 km run(for average people like me:/ ), going up on stage and dancing/singing/performing/emceeing, scoring a whole bunch of goals in soccer.. and so on. all of these can be put under one big group, and this brings us full circle back to what i was talking about.

experiences.

not just any experience, one that u usually would not have done, or were to afraid to have done, or did not think you could have done. its when u really remove all your inhibitions and go for it, will you truly live life. and it is also at this point of time can u really have no regrets about life. comfort and security and safety all feels good and all, but do you really wanna spend your entire life eating apples only, when out there, within your reach, is a delicious triple-tier tiramisu black forrest and cheese cake flavoured ice cream, swimming in chocolate-strawberry-and-caramel syrup, topped off with an aromatic and crunchy selection of cashew, almond, and roasted nuts... and at the very top a beautifully shining crimson cherry?

apple, or triple-tier ice cream?

i know what i'll pick :)